Nutella, with Love

When you thought Nutella couldn't get any better, they said you could have your own personalized bottle of Nutella.  Don't you just love Nutella? I'm getting one for myself! Then I can finally say "Of course that's my Nutella, its got my name written on it! See?"

Isn't that just fantastic?

Road Not Taken

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed - Ernest Hemingway.

So yeah I'm gonna quit my study and grab new opportunities.

My father once told me that the decision made when I'm 15 until early 30s will affect my whole life.  A simple yes or no answer to any opportunities or relationships will take me flying or sinking, for I am the designer of my own catastrophe.

Nevertheless I am happy that my parents support me.  My mother simply pat my head and said there will be hard times for me but they will pass.  It is very difficult letting go of my thesis, and embarrassing, really.  I don't think I'm ready to face just anyone and tell them that "I quit" and laugh.  Not yet.  I need time.  This is not something I can just brush off with a nod or smile or some gestures.  Wow I never realized that I care about what people say, or scared of society...

Anyhow I've been thinking abut this for months actually.  Did I make a wrong turn somewhere to arrive at this point?  Is it a right thing to do? But life doesn't stop for anybody, and lashing about it won't make anything better.  Dwelling in this any longer also won't help me progress.

I am saddened, frustrated and irritated with my own decision, but I have to stand on my own and take charge of my life.  My future as of now sure starts slow.  Still, I want to believe that there ought to be a future that I can choose.  Right?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a damn fool about it - W.C. Fields

It is good to have conviction and it is commendable to follow it through, but when it hinders you, isn't it good to try something new? - Sakata Gintoki

This is so much bitter than any heartbreak I've experienced.  They said heartbreak, but my whole body and mind hurts.  Okay gonna listen to Alana Grace now.  And Leona Lewis

Not-so-secret Relationship

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it – Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Oh how I wish that is how my case and my so-called “crush”.  Then I can be spared of the embarrassment.

But that’s so not it.  All the hints dropping and flirting was actually obvious that his parents and sister know about it.  His mother even jokes about him flirting me, and don’t even get me started on the reaction of his sister.  Of course, my friends knew all about it.  I can’t stop talking about him then, and thank you God for blessing me with such best friends that put up with my nonsense crush.  It was clear that we had feelings for each other.  We both responded to each other.

But then suddenly he goes and proposed other girl.  It was so confusing and heartbreaking when I heard about his engagement.  Later that week, his sister came to see me with hugs and kisses, and starting to talk to me like normal, as if her brother wasn't engaged to be married.

After talking to my friends and upon self-reflect, I realized we just flirted with each other.  It was harmless, and maybe it was my fault for taking it the wrong way.  It's not as if we were exclusive or anything like that.  He's just being nice. Maybe.

Today, his sister came to see me again.  She handed me his wedding invitation.  It’s going to be a September wedding.  Unfortunately, my pride got the best of me so as I chuckled nervously, I told her that I may not be able to attend the wedding because I have a two-day conference, all the while gathering my strength, trying to hide my height of anger and frustration.  She responded by saying “Oh really? Too bad… Hey you know what, what about dinner with me and my friends tomorrow?”

I should have refused politely.  I should not have asked why.  She wants me to help out with the wedding, specifically with photo booth props and design a personalised wedding favours.  I just took a frontal snapping punch strike, full-life combo kick and died.